pretty much..

i dont really know.
i dont know where to start.

well i used to take out my anger in bulletins on myspace, but now (thanks to artie) i dont have to piss off the people who dont want to hear it. so ill do it on here. :]

anyway.. last night started out as one of the worst nights ever. i walk into the carnival with my bff jess and we see phill hilpherdy. her ex. anyways.. im not worried about telling you her problems so ill fast forword to mine. i was going out with this jacccckkkkkkasssssssssssssssss for about 5 days. he NEVER called me and stuff. ugh. anyway.. we go to meet rob.. idk his last name.. but jesse walks right by us with another girl.. whome i might add, was the girl his BEST FRIEND wanted to be with. serisouly how selfish can u get?! i pretty much didnt feel a thing.. im so numb from getting hurt now that it just passed by me. not really, i mean it did hurt. rob was there to talk to me and stuff.. so it was good. jess told me to hook up with him and i went along with it because i wanted jesse to see everything. fucking asshole. i hope i can say "fucking asshole" on here.. but anway.. rob told me he liked me and i told him i liked him back, the thing is, i kno rob is going to hurt me too.. i feel it. u ever get those feelings where u know its not gona turn out but u ignore it? well.. ya.. thats what i got. im blocking out the feelings i might have for him. so im just gona move on like whatev. it should work.

what i really want is a guy i can trust. someone who wont do the following:

1. screw me over for another girl

2. use me for sex.

3. hurt me because they feel they are better than me

4. randomly deside that they have no feelings for me anymore.

all of this and other stuff i cant really explain because i dont understand myself and it scares me really bad.

to any guy out there that has even the slightest feelings for me will u please do me a favor and keep me safe?
sounds lame.

lame. lame. lame. lame. lame.


i wish.. i could find someone like this.

1. cute

2. sweet

3. cares about me and would do anything for me

4. would be WILLING to be my boyfriend for longer than a week and will always spare my feelings

5. someone who the last thing they would want to do is loose me.


i just want to know... all of this.. is it too much to ask for? is there something wrong with me that i keep being hurt so bad? is it the way i look/act?

its just me.

all them guys that hurt me are so much better than me.. SO MUCH.
you know why they are so much better? because i was the stupid one.. i was the one that fell for it.. therefor.. everything is my falt.. all that had happened.



i sound emo,
rawr im emo.
i drew an emo dinosaur before.

do u want to see it?
too bad:D





idk.. i think this code works....

but serisouly... LMFAO!

x]

blah i dont even know.
but im super bored.
everyones down the beach and stuff and im not :[ ...
so fine then.. ill make my own beach.. with sannnnnddddddddd.



arties awesome.
:D